Indifference

I've always been different. I've always known that. Even when I was little, the way I thought about things, people and the world was never in sync with it. As a child, my heart was a shinning orb that I thrust to people, shinning them with love and joy. I remember around the age of 8 wanting to be rich (I also wanted a red Lamborghini Countach) so I could open homeless shelters and give people food. Helping people and building them up was a core value of my being. As time went on, life began to tear me down. Each blow chipping away at that little boy and in its place building a new man. A tougher, more hardened and cynical individual was left in its place. In time, the "Greater Shadow" gripped me and my "Inner Light" had gone out. Now when I would look upon suffering, all I would see is indifference. Indifference in myself, in others and in the world. "Why should I care about this person? No one helped me? Toughen up buddy, life just gets harder! Get a job you bum. Maybe they deserved this?",  I would think. This continued on for some years...

This is the part where I explain I had some great epiphany that changed me back to my true self. To that little boy who once was. Well truth is, that little boy is gone. The truth is also that I am no longer that hardened, cynical and indifferent man.The truth is I am all these things and none of these things. The reason is CHOICE. When I choose to find that light inside myself, I can be a compassionate, loving, empathetic person. The hard part is digging through the wreckage of ones heart to find that "Inner Light, that true self so you can MAKE  that choice. But when I choose NOT to choose, the default mode kicks in. I become uncaring, hardened and indifferent with allot of cynicism and touch of scorn thrown in there. And therein lies the problem with the world. 

The world's default position is indifference. This is cause by people's indifference to other people's suffering. A person suffers, another person in a position to help ignores their "Inner Light", accepts their "Greater Shadow" and ALLOWS the person to suffer. That person, torn down by suffering continues the process. Why do we allow indifference to be so pervasive? Sin? Greed? Selfishness? Fear? Perhaps all of these things. I honestly don't know. It is a bit above my pay grade. What can be said is that we should choose not allow indifference to happen. We should listen to our "Inner Light", ignore our fears and help those who cannot help themselves. If we are not in a position to help, we should always allow our heart to feel unconditional kindness, love and empathy for that suffering person. Now does this mean to quit your life, sell all your stuff and fly to Haiti to help those ravaged by the earthquake? No, but it does mean that every time you are in a position empathize with someone, if that empathy moves you to action within your means, even if it's an inconvenience or hardship on you, then do it. This could be donating $10 to a charity, opening a door for an old lady or when you see a person walking somewhere in the heat, empathizing with their situation, giving thanks for what you have and not allowing your heart to turn to indifference.

Indifference is the enemy. It is anywhere and everywhere. You must always be vigilant and keep it at bay. It is not easy. It takes an open mind, a sensitive heart and vigilance. To hit this point home I'll tell you a story of something that recently happened. I was watching Tosh.0 on Comedy Central a few weeks ago. In this show as Daniel Tosh shows clips of people (often buffoons doing stupid things) from YouTube and after he plays the clips he makes fun of them. No big deal, the people were being stupid or silly anyways. Well in this episode, he showed a clip of a man from India who suffered from some disease that deformed his body. The deformity caused him to walk on his hands and feet with his knees bent in reverse. The poor man was pushing a box down the road as someone recorded him doing so. Many people were walking down the street and ignored him. Daniel Tosh made a joke, the crowd laughed and he moved on to the next segment. Well this really tore me up inside. I was appalled. I immediately turned off the T.V.. I sat there bewildered for a minute. My mind raced. How did that man live? Did anyone love him? How could he make a living? How would he ever find a wife in such a state? Would he die alone? How common was this kind of suffering in India that people just walked by and ignored him? I couldn't imagine how much he had suffered and how he might have lost his self worth and human dignity. I sat wondering what kind of world we lived in. I knew the world was in poor condition but what does it say about ourselves when we find it entertaining to laugh at the suffering of the weakest of the weakest, sickest of the sick, helpless of the helpless and poorest of the poor. Are we no better than Romans watching slaves and prisoners butcher themselves in the colosseum or our amusement?

During that night's national news, there was no mention of this. The news broadcast  had more important things like Lindsay Lohan's jail sentence or Sarah Palin's latest endorsement. Where was the outrage? Why wasn't this news? Why isn't it news that our moral core of right and wrong had eroded away so much but we had failed to notice? My mind was screaming but my lips were silent. What can I do? What should I do? I have no money! I have no power! I have no prestige or influence! I don't even know who that man was. How can I, a man, change the world? My heart sank as my mind settled in to the realization that I was different. That the way I thought about things and the way the world did will never be in sync. They are different. So I became despondent. I shut my mouth, let my heart ache, prayed for that man and did nothing. Indifference.

My heart continued to ache and I could not ignore it. I rallied my spirits and decided to do what little I could. First I stopped watching Tosh.0. Then I searched for the YouTube video of the man so I could find out what disease he had. Then I wanted to find and donate to a charity for people suffering from this disease. Unfortunately I couldn't find the video. I went on Comedy Central to find the clip but they had pulled the clip and hopefully the episode from the air (A small but comfortless victory) . Last, I decided to write about it. If I can stop someone from being indifferent to the suffering of the world, then maybe, just maybe I could make a difference. And just maybe, they can change someone else to notice the suffering of another and so on. This isn't much, but at least it is action without giving in to indifference. And if I don't reach a soul, I can still keep the ache in my heart fresh so I can be sensitive, empathetic and loving to another person's suffering. And when I pray, I can keep that ache fresh so that I may be truly sincere and humble in my prayers for that man, for my thanks in the blessings I received and in my hope for a better world. Elie Wiesel, a Jewish author and survivor of Auschwitz and Buchenwald concentration camps during WWII has a famous quote about his experiences there. He said “The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.” I think he is right. The world is indifferent to me. But I will not be indifferent to it.