The Satellite Effect

Planets have mass. The larger the planet, the larger the mass. The more mass a planet has, the more it bends space. That bending of space creates gravity. When an object passes through a planets gravity, if it isn't strong enough to break away from the pull, it either crashes into the planet or eventually settles into an orbit around the planet creating the Satellite Effect. The moon is the satellite of our planet. It became a satellite under violent circumstances. Physicists theorize that a large heavenly body crashed into the Earth creating immense damage. The impact was so huge that it shot a huge amount of the earths crust into space. This debris settled into orbit and after millions years, the earths gravity helped that debris coalesce into the Moon.  Now what the hell does this have to do with my blog? Simple.

I am the Earth and you are the moon. What does that mean? Well beside the self absorbed narcissism that the previous statement implies, it means two things.

One, that I am the most important thing to me. I am the center of my own universe. Just the act of writing this blog and thinking people give two shits about reading it shows some self absorbed behavior that proves my point. A blog is simply the thoughts of my perception and reality pointed outward at you. You being the Moon or satellites. And the truth to all existences is the PERCEPTION of your reality.I perceive myself as the most important person so I am. Get my drift?

But my second point is I am a social creature like all humans are. I wish to pull people closer into my world like the gravity of a planet to a heavenly body especially those bodies who are soft, round, delicate, gentle and beautiful. If a body is moving too fast, it might get away from me. These are typically people that I can't relate to. People I don't click with. The kinda of people that either I don't understand, don't get my sense of humor or don't find me charming. Not all heavenly bodies get pulled into orbit in nature and in life not everyone is going to be your best friend, pal, buddy, girlfriend or soul mate. But if a heavenly body gets pulled into the gravity of a planet and crashes into it, it causes great damage to both bodies. The damage to the planet takes eons to heal and the heavenly body drifts as dust until it reforms into a moon if it isn't destroyed by the crash. These are typically the relationships I've been in. Someone is either the heavenly body or the planet. The person that is the planet is damaged from the relationship and takes time heal. The person that is the heavenly body is destroyed, reforming later into a different person than they were before. It seems elegant, beautiful and tragic when put into this context. But what happens when two planets get pulled into each others gravity?

I've only been in love once, with my high school sweet heart. The first moment I laid eyes on here, I was in love. I felt like I was hit by lightening and for the first moment in my life, my eyes were open and I was alive. I was drawn to here. It was the only time ever I had seen an woman, said to myself "she will be mine" and knew it would happen. I met her through a friend and connection was instant. We were drawn to each other, At that moment began the slow process of each planet moving closer and closer together before we crashed into each other. And so it went for three years. Those years were the best and worst times of my life. Our relationship was fiery, passionate and tumultuous. The fire burned us. The heat scalded us. It created anger, jealousy and resentment but despite all that, the fire, the passion and love grew hotter until it seemed like we would erupt into a conflagration that would consume us both. It did. We crashed into each other and the relationship ended. The impact was so large that we bounced off each other, out of each others lives and went our separate ways. The damage to me was extensive. The planet for ever changed. All life had died, consumed by fire. The fires burned for years consuming all but the ache in my heart. In the smoke and dust emerged a new planet, stronger, wiser but defensive.

I would no longer seek heavenly bodies but avoid them. If one came near, I would make sure they didn't crash into me. I would push them away shooting them into space. Or if the body was too close or too strong, I would push them out into my orbit creating the Satellite Effect. There I could keep them at arms length were they couldn't hurt me. But what I was most afraid of was someone getting too close not to hurt me, but to see the damage on the planet and know how bad I was hurt. So I've kept people away. I've steeled my nerves and my face into a blank stare. A poker face showing no emotion at all. I put on a suit of armor to protect me from the world while suppressing all emotion to the outside world while inside I was drunk upon my own misery. So here I float alone. I was the weak one and chose the weak way out.

The worst thing you can ever do in life is change who you are from the bad experiences of life. You end of leaving the good and taking on the bad. The bad times are numerous in life and eventually you take on so much bad, you realize you have left all the good parts of yourself behind. The next thing you know, you wake up one day, look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself. You ask yourself who is this person staring at you in the mirror. "This is not me! I'm.....".

I'm not a huge Nine Inch Nails fan but my favorite song of theirs is "Hurt" performed by Johnny Cash. The best line in that song is "If I could start again, a million miles away. I would keep myself. I would find a way." Keep "yourself" people. Find a way. Don't use "The Satellite Effect". If you do, you might look at yourself one day and realize there is nothing of you left.

A.N.P. 09-03-10